Surrender

I have lived my life in a little, self-made box. No, this isn't because I am home-schooled. I wish I could blame it on that, instead of placing the blame where it really belongs, on myself. The more I get to know God, the more I realize that I should be making an impact on my world. A difference that will spread like ripples on a pond. Yet, I choose to ignore God's voice when He tells me to do something I'm not comfortable with. I'm not really making a difference. I'm not shaking the world. I am comfortable; secure in my small, safe acquaintanceship. So, what am I going to do about it? Nothing? I can do nothing, in my own power. I must allow God to work in me, so that I can truly die to myself. If I will humble myself before God, surrender entirely to Him, then He will do His best through me. His best, which is so much greater than the best I can do. Am I ready to be snatched out of my comfort zone? No, I'll never be ready for that, but God is. All I have to do is let Him work. That sounds so simple, so easy, but it is not. I must be willing to give up something that is very dear to the heart of fallen man: control. Or rather, the illusion of control, for God is ultimately in command. So, I have to give up something that I never had in the first place. I have to give up something fake, artificial. I must be willing to let God throw away my sin, so that He can be seen shining brightly through me. Why am I still holding on to nothing? What keeps me from embracing the great Something that is God? Pride? Stubbornness? Fear? Surrender isn't something I can do one time, it is a decision I must make every moment of every day. Why am I not making it? I'm ready to let go, take the first step towards complete surrender, total obedience, but something holds me back. God, show me what it is.