Eeek! It's a Rant!

Please forgive me while I go on a brief rant. I try very, very hard to keep my number of negative blog posts to a bare minimum, but no-one can truly appreciate positivity without a little negativity to season it. At least, that's what I'd like you to believe. Anyway, here goes with a rant in letter form. Enjoy!

Dear People Who'd Like to See Me Get Married Off,

I don't mind your efforts. I really, really don't. In fact, they add a sometimes-welcome dash of spice to my life. I used to feel a bit threatened by you, but now I just laugh at you. I'm very definitely tough enough to take it, and since no boyfriends have magically materialized from the woodwork, I've noticed that many of you seem to have given up hope. I would venture to suggest that I'm hardly an old maid yet...but if you choose to expend your energies on someone else, far be it from me to moan. To those of you who tenaciously continue to hint and suggest, I salute your extreme perseverance.

I'm very glad that your marriage is such a happy one that you'd like to see everyone sharing in your bliss. However, I'd like to ask you a few questions: Did someone hit you upside the head with a two-by-four on your wedding day? Is your spouse administering mind-altering drugs to you? I daresay you would not remember either of these occurrences, but I think you should really consider the possibilities. It is obvious to me that something drastic must have happened to your brain during the course of your married life, as you seem to be suffering from a queer form of amnesia. This amnesia manifests itself in a variety of symptoms, but most frequently causes you to regard the unwed portion of your existence as a sojourn in a slimy dungeon or howling wilderness.

I am perfectly willing to take your word that wedded bliss is...well, blissful, but in fairness, I think that you should meet me halfway and admit that a single lifestyle also has some perks.

Still unwilling, eh?

Well, maybe I can jog your memory by listing a few of those perks.

Freedom. Without a spouse or kids in my life, I am free to go wherever and do whatever I want, with (almost) no strings attached.

Money. Do the math! I can get by on far less dough than you can. All that extra money can go towards funding adventures, hobbies, or charities.

Flexibility. One person, with a minimum of possessions and few obligations or family ties can deal with lightening-fast changes and unexpected occurrences with ease.

Do you remember any of those things?

I didn't think so.You're probably a hopeless mental case, but I thought it might be worthwhile to give it a try.

I may yet succumb to your well-meaning efforts. But in the meantime, I remain

Your wealthy, free, flexible, HAPPY (and did I mention single)? friend,
Calamity Jane