Guys and Lists and Stuff

Finding 'the one' (this was meant to be read in a very grand and pompous voice - hence the italics). That's what many homeschool/Christian girls are focused on. They talk about, think about, pray about finding the guy that God wants them to marry. When they reach a certain age, many girls have prepared a list of things they're looking for in a husband.

I'm no different than most girls in this area of my life, though I expect that I'm considerably less focused on the men than the majority of females my age. God, fictional characters, and hobbies take most of my mental energy, but the subject of guys and marriage does occasionally surface, as it did the other day during a conversation with one of my friends.

My friend and I have very similar passions and pursuits, so it stands to reason that we're both looking (albeit not very hard) for somewhat similar guys. Neither of us live in expectation of finding 'Mr. Perfect' or 'Prince Charming', but as both of us are interested in doing fairly hard-core mission-type work, our standards are a bit on the high side as far as spiritual qualities go. (No, I'm not going to post a list. That's what people do when they're desperate, and I, most certainly, am not).

So there we were, my friend and I, having this nice little, uncharacteristically girly conversation. La-ti-da, estrogen and dreams. Then my friend said something that jolted my mental gears into high-speed thinking mode. She said (I paraphrase), "You know, I've been thinking about the kind of guy I'd like to marry. And he's this really awesome, godly guy. And then I look at myself, and I wonder, 'am I the sort of girl that a guy like that would even be attracted to?'" I think I replied with something like, "Hmm...yeah, that's a really good thought." And the conversation moved on, and I've forgotten most of what both of us said. But those particular words came back to me this morning, and have been sporadically rumbling around in my mind.

I think that a reasonable, God-centric, and prayerfully considered list of traits that a girl is looking for in a guy is probably a good and helpful thing to have. But I wonder, are too many girls too focused on the list? Is the reason that so many girls can't seem to find 'the right one' is because 'the right one' is repulsed by the pride, selfishness, or gossip she allows to run rampant through her life?

Of course, I realize that no two people are ever going to be perfect. If you're planning to wait for a relationship until you're perfect or until you've found the perfect man, then honey, you may as well go ahead and enter a convent right now. But still, I think we could place a lot less focus on the perfections and imperfections of other people, and focus more on becoming as sanctified and Christ-like as we possibly can in the time that's given us. Not for the sake of impressing a man, but simply for the joy of becoming all that God wants us to be...and, of course, getting a guy might come as a nice bonus for some of you. ;-)

I have no control over when, where, and if God wants me to get married. I do have control over the everyday choices, temptations, and opportunities that determine how Christlike I will become. Single or otherwise, I don't think I'm ever going to look back at this time and regret using it to draw closer to God.


  1. That's, like, amazing stuff right there... Isn't it strange that the Bible is almost silent on how to find "the one" but chock full of exhortations on how to live your life and the day-to-day grind?

  2. Whoa! Comments! This doesn't happen very often. Thanks for your input, guys!


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